Delighting in the Praise of Men

A chandelier pours light gently onto the cherry wood table adorned with soup, flowers, stories and friends. I sit at the head, feeling ever so manly, as my wife spoons feeds my little princess. To my right recline my mentor and elder, his wife and his family. I rarely feel this good. I open the Word, and the gilded pages fall to the Beginning. Just then, a visitor interrupts this party. Delusions of grandeur, my faithful pal, takes a seat on my shoulder. I graze through the covenants, the delusions dancing about my mouth. After all, a word misspoken here would be a fate worse than death. In hindsight, no words misspoken, but plenty of apt words unspoken for fear I would not receive the praise I desired.

"What was that, Delusion? What do you say? Make it wooden and lifeless? Make it worthless and meandering?"

How long will the Lord put up with me? I'm a wretch! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

I have a plight before me. I relish the praise of men. I wallow in the realization that I delight as much in the wink and the nod of an older man as much as the Law of the Lord. Lord forgive me of this sinful pride!

I see that my life is a pulpit. Right now my pulpit has been placed before my wife and my children. I could say that my congregation is growing by leaps and bounds, but I would be stretching the truth. My congregation has a great love for their pastor, and their parched souls long to have the water of the Word poured over them. But my love for their praise has created in me a great cowardice. Deep down in me, I know that my wife's loving arms and beautiful words can almost convince me that I have pleased the Lord Himself. If my children throw their arms around me and tell me I am the "best dad in the world", then all is yes and amen in my spirit. But have I preached to them out of the fear of the Lord? Have I taught their souls for the Glory of God as my banner? Have I taken them in love, and placed them on the altar of God, saying, "Do with them as you will?" No, because my desire for their praise has made me a coward. This kind of coward cannot be the rock they need. And they are starving because of my fear and complacency.

In the dark hours of the night, I am haunted by my apathy. My flippancy with the Word of God has found me out. I repent, Oh sovereign Lord. Let your grace flood me again, and wash away my cowardice. Let your healing water devour my home and my family and myself. Let us be lost in your majesty, and rest in the delight of your presence. My your Word dwell in us richly, and my we be truly satisfied in You.

May my pride be dashed to pieces, and your will prevail in my mind! May you crush my bones, and give me no crutch on which to stand. Take my frail and feeble mind and teach it your laws. Take my heart, over which you rule, and soften it's voice. Take my rights and re-write them aright. Forgive me. I am your slave, your servant, closer to dust than to your throne. You alone I can look to for salvation. Save me from my sins and correct this sinner to be what you have called me to be in the place you have called me to for as long as you will have me here. Amen.